So if you read my last post, you know that I’m not the happyest about some of the things that are happening in my life. One of them being the fact that I’m being ripped from where I was somewhat happy, in the Twinsburg School District. Even though I never had a major breakthrough in making tons of friends, or anything like that, I had a few of the best ones that I had ever had. Some of the closest ones that I could tell anything to. Some of the most accepting, and nice friends I could ask for. So there was only about 9 or 10. Those were the close ones. On top of that, I have tons more aquintences than I had ever had. Not major friends, but people I could hang out with in school, work together on school projects, etc. My parents don’t think this is true. They would rather see me as the most popular person in the school, than be a million times happier and have a few that I loved. But its not their fault. No one can see that in a person. Anyone who is popular and has tons of people following them around begging them to be their best friend would look a hundred times happier than someone like me. But it’s just not the case. It won’t change. This is how I would much rather be. I used to do so much with them. But now I just turn it all down. I can’t stand the fact that they will all be going somewhere different than me. And I know they still live in Twinsburg, but it doesn’t matter. They will see eachother everyday, become closer and closer. I won’t get home everyday till one hour after. I will have probably more homework than them, because I have a theology class on top of everything else, and my school day is longer. Not that its a better school, but it would rather tell me the teachings of twelve random people who decided to tell everyone how to live, and whats right and whats wrong in a book, rather than teach me something that might actually, ahemm… help me? in my career future. I can tell you know that I have no plans on becoming a priest father. Also, no offence to anyone who is christian or catholic. I don’t mean it as anything against you, I just strongly oppose religion, and I think completely for myself, and by teachers that aren’t ancient. If you don’t agree with my religion perspective, then just ignore that part and continue reading.
So basically, I just don’t want to go there so badly. It hurts to know that I will be seperated from so many more people. And you have no idea the fight I put up. I’m at my grandmas house right now typing this. And I’ve been here for a few days. I’m not aloud to leave until I agree to just go to walsh.
I wish they could see my blogs so badly.
It might do something.
But anyway. I have been trying to negotiate with my parents. My grandma has been helping me. But it still feels like no one in my family will take my side. No matter how much they say so, they just want me to go to Walsh. They think I’ve ruined my reputation, because I’ve given up on denying to everyone in the school that I’m gay. I can’t just live my whole life having to have people torture me like that, telling me how I’m a fag. It’s not like I’ve gone out and said that I was gay. I don’t even no what my real sexual orientation is. First I think I’m straight, then I think I’m bi curious, then I think I’m bi, then gay, then straight, and all these different things. Honestly, even though I may not know, it’s not a big deal for me. I know that someday I may know for sure, but I also may not, and I’m fine with that. I just have to live life and not worry about it. But I may have started to act myself. I dress the way I like, and my friends are those that I like.
They continue to think that my life is going to be harder now because of this. I already went half a year where I kept pretending to be what I may not be, and I loved being honest with myself and everyone else so much better than I ever had.
I loved life how I had it for half of a year. And now most of it’s gone, since most of it was fueled by always seeing my friends in school. Thats how I planned plans with them. And it doesn’t matter if I can still see them sometimes, and call them, and IM them, I will never be as close as I was before. And thats what makes me the most sick.
All because of my parents, who think that my life will be better at Walsh. And as I said earlier, who wouldn’t?
